“The head of the TSA is stepping down after more than four years on the job. Well, he actually stepped down a while ago, but he’s been going through security for three and a half years.” – Jimmy Fallon
“TSA Chief John Pistole announced that he is stepping down. So whoever takes his place is going to have some pretty big shoes to take off.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama was out playing golf today. He hit one tee shot 250 yards. Even golf balls are trying to distance themselves from him.” – David Letterman
“Today they arrested a White House intruder who was jumping over the fence to get OUT of the White House.” – David Letterman
“President Obama just appointed someone named Ron Klain as the new ‘Ebola czar’ to oversee the government’s response to the crisis. You know that’ll be a tough job, but not as tough as introducing yourself as the Ebola czar and extending your hand.” – Jimmy Fallon
