“Texas Governor Rick Perry has been indicted after he threatened to veto funding for a district attorney’s office unless she stepped down. He’s now the most controversial governor in the country – which is why today he got a gift basket from Chris Christie.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rumor has it that Texas Gov. Rick Perry badly wants to run in the next presidential race. You can tell Perry’s behind it because they’re starting to make signs that says ‘Perry 2017’.” – Conan O’Brien
“It looks like Rick Perry’s chances in 2016 might be in trouble. Or as Hillary put it, ‘One down, four more to go’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Obama was on a two-week break with his family and had to cut it short by two days, had to go back to Washington. I’m thinking: you spend two weeks with your family, you’re going to need a two-day break. Am I right?” – David Letterman
“A survey found that 75 percent of Americans don’t use up all their vacation days. While the rest apparently loaned them to President Obama. He’s on vacation again!” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama had to cut his vacation short two days to go back to Washington. You know why? Vice President Joe Biden had locked himself out of the White House.” – David Letterman
“Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced he is against medical marijuana in the state because it could hurt the tourism industry. Then Jamaica was like, ‘You sure man?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“David Gregory, a longtime newsman over at NBC news, is no longer the host of ‘Meet the Press’. He took over for Tim Russert, and now they just booted him. They just kicked him right out the door. He’s following a trail I blazed at NBC.” – David Letterman
“David Gregory is being replaced by a guy named Chuck Todd, which indicates to me that in order to host that program you have to have two first names.” – David Letterman
