“Yesterday, a judge said that Obamacare is an acceptable substitute for state-run health insurance. He actually said that, ‘It’s just like Domino’s being a substitute for Pizza Hut.’ Then, Americans said, ‘Well, either way, it’s taken you guys way longer than 30 minutes to deliver it, so give us our free healthcare.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A judge wrote an opinion today in favor of Obamacare, saying that getting healthcare from the state or federal government is the same as ordering from Pizza Hut vs. Domino’s. I’m not sure I agree. THEIR websites always worked.” – Seth Meyers
“Texas Gov. Rick Perry announced plans to send 1,000 National Guard troops to increase security. If you really want to slow down the flow of illegal immigrants, send the TSA.” – Seth Meyers
“Instead of us sending troops down to the border, we just do what you do when you run out of candy on Halloween. Let’s turn off the lights and pretend America’s not home. So the kids move on to the next house – Canada.” – Stephen Colbert
“A new investigation found that people are using fake ID’s to sign up for Obamacare. I’m sorry, but today’s teenagers do not know how to party.” – Conan O’Brien
