“Yesterday was the big World Cup final between Germany and Argentina. And if you caught only the last couple of minutes of the game, don’t worry – you saw the whole thing.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Well, it was an amazing weekend in sports. LeBron went back to being a Cavalier, Carmelo went back to being a Knicks, and soccer went back to being a thing you drive your kids to.” – Seth Meyers
“The World Cup is finally over. In other words, bars are about to start showing sports that make sense again.” – Jimmy Fallon
“During yesterday’s World Cup final, a guy ran onto the field with the phrase ‘natural born prankster’ written on his chest — because nothing says good clean fun like spending the night in a Brazilian prison.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Congratulations, my German friends. They are World Cup champions. People in Germany were going nuts, firing guns into the air, marching up and down the streets. Then they heard about the World Cup win.” – Craig Ferguson
“Germans haven’t been this excited since the release of the last David Hasselhoff album. They haven’t been this excited since Oktoberfest included an all-you-can-eat wiener buffet.” – Craig Ferguson
“Germany defeated Argentina 1-0 to win the World Cup. German fans went absolutely crazy from 9:00 until 9:15.” – Seth Meyers
“People in Germany went bonkers. Rumor has it that up to half a dozen Germans actually cracked a smile.” – Craig Ferguson
“Germany is your World Cup champions, ladies and gentlemen. The winning German soccer team received a congratulatory phone call from Angela Merkel. Of course we know this because we’re still bugging her phone.” – David Letterman
“Germany won the World Cup, but they’re still mad at us for spying on them. So they’re considering going back to using typewriters to avoid being spied on. It’s never good news when Germany says they’re going to go back to their old ways.” – Conan O’Brien
“Brazil’s coach resigned following the country’s historic 7-1 loss in the World Cup last week. He says he wants to spend more time focusing on not being murdered.” – Seth Meyers
“While he was in Cuba this weekend, Vladimir Putin met with Fidel Castro and promised to revive Cuba’s oil industry. Not to be confused with the other thing Cuba’s always having to revive: Fidel Castro.” – Jimmy Fallon
4 Comments
I guess comedians do not need actual facts to make a joke. Angela Merkel was on the ground watching entire final match (also Putin). She also went to dressing room after win.
Similarly Scolari (Brazilian coach) did not resign after semi final loss, but stayed on and Brazil lost to Holland for 3rd place match. Even after he was removed/sacked.
Never let facts get in the way of a good joke or a Fox News story.
You’re actually complaining that a joke is less than entirely factual?
IK, the jokes do not have to be factual, I mean if Merkel was not there, then I would not have known whether she made call or nor, then it can be less than factual. But knowing the actual event, makes joke not funny.
But you are right, there are bigger issues to worry about, when actual news channel (Fox etc) is far from factual.