“Yesterday Toronto Mayor Rob Ford attended his first city council meeting since he got back from rehab. He said, ‘It’s great to be back, but man, these things are boring when you’re sober.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rob Ford attended his first city council meeting. But it got weird when he said, ‘Hello, Toronto City Council!’ And they said, ‘This is Buffalo, sir … And you have to put a shirt on.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Congrats to Joey Chestnut. On Friday he won the Fourth of July Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest by eating 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Another guy said, ‘But I ate a hundred!’ Then the judges said, ‘You have to wait until we say ‘Go!’, Governor Christie.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“That’s 61 hot dogs in 12 minutes, or as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie calls it – a snack.” – David Letterman
“House Speaker John Boehner is threatening to sue President Obama for using executive actions to create laws, instead of going through Congress first. Then Obama shrugged and made a new law that you can’t sue the president.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The U.S. soccer team was eliminated from the World Cup competition, but they gave it a pretty good run. But the problem now is we have to find something else to pretend to care about.” – David Letterman
