“During the World Cup, Uruguay is playing Italy and one of their players bites an Italian player. How many of you folks have ever been bitten by a Uruguayan?” – David Letterman
“The World Cup has an official song. The official anthem is ‘We Will Find a Way.’ It narrowly beat out the other contender, ‘I Feel Someone’s Teeth in My Shoulder.'” – Conan O’Brien
“FIFA, the world soccer governing body, says the guy who did the biting has to wear one of those dog cones for the rest of the tournament.” – David Letterman
“Both the U.S. and German teams have very good goalies, so many are predicting a very low-scoring game tomorrow. So don’t expect to see another one of those 1-0 blowouts.” – Conan O’Brien
“England was knocked out of the World Cup. It’s the most English people wiped out at one time since the last episode of ‘Game of Thrones’.” – Conan O’Brien
