“Yesterday Michelle Obama said she wants Americans to elect a woman president ‘as soon as possible.’ So even she has had enough of President Obama.” – Conan O’Brien
“I am excited about the World Cup and the U.S. soccer team. But I will admit there are nuances to the game that are lost on me. For example, the United States has won one game, tied one game. They play Germany, and if they tie Germany 0-0, they advance to the finals. It’s just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen.” – David Letterman
“Italy was eliminated from the World Cup. Italians were running through the streets waving their hands around, screaming at each other. Then they heard about the World Cup.” – Craig Ferguson
“At the World Cup, Uruguay’s Luis Suarez bit a player from Italy’s team. It’s the third time he’s done it. The last time he bit a Chinese player and then claimed he was hungry an hour later.” – Conan O’Brien
