“Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years ago, spent three days in the hospital, and maybe she has brain damage. You know, I don’t recall the Republicans being this concerned with mental fitness during the years when Reagan was talking to house plants in the White House.” – Bill Maher
“The new ‘Godzilla’ opens this weekend. They’re finally able to control Godzilla when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closes down the George Washington Bridge.” – David Letterman
“Yesterday Chris Christie said he thinks it would be fun to run against Jeb Bush for the Republican presidential nomination. While Jeb Bush said it would be fun just to watch Chris Christie run.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama was here, touring New York sites in need of repair. He wants to spend money on our infrastructure. For example, the port authority needs fixing. And the Tappan Zee Bridge, where the renovation is already finishing up way ahead of schedule – like Obama’s second term.” – David Letterman
“Today President Obama took his 1,001st flight aboard Air Force One. And they still made him take his shoes off at security.” – Seth Meyers
“New Rule: Now that Clay Aiken’s opponent in the Democratic primary for Congress died after a ‘accidental fall down the stairs’, the Republican Aiken will face next might want to consider dropping out. Because this is Clay Aiken we’re talking about. And apparently Clay Aiken is going to take what Clay motherfuckin’ Aiken wants. Which might explain why every single face he’s ever made looks like a guy who just pushed someone down the stairs.” – Bill Maher
