Political Irony

“The first openly gay player has been drafted by the NFL. If you saw it on ESPN, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic. This is the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams.” – Conan O’Brien

“The St. Louis Rams made history on Saturday by drafting Michael Sam, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL. Yep, an NFL player who’s never been with a woman — or as Tim Tebow put it, ‘Eh, it’s been done.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Some NFL players actually criticized Michael Sam for kissing his boyfriend after getting drafted. Apparently NFL players aren’t supposed to be in a gay relationship until they’re sent to prison. Then it’s fine.” – Conan O’Brien

“They are reopening the Washington Monument. The thing has been shut down for the last two years – like the Obama administration.” – David Letterman

“Thursday is the deadline for Iran to meet a series of measures to delay its nuclear program. Then Iran said, ‘Do you mean ‘DEADLINE deadline’ or ‘Sign up for Obamacare deadline?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“During his visit to the White House, the President of Uruguay lectured President Obama about the dangers of smoking. Then, when Obama said ‘Oh, I quit,’ Hillary Clinton ran past him into the Oval Office.” – Seth Meyers

“In Colorado a man was accidentally released from prison 90 years too soon. In a related story, everyone in Colorado is high.” – Conan O’Brien

“So that’s our choice: Malala, or Rush — the quivering rage heap who is apparently desperately trying to extinguish any remaining molecule of humanity that might still reside in the Chernobyl-esque superfund clean-up site that was his soul. Who should we choose? I don’t know, why don’t we tweet our votes to hashtag #F*ckyouRush.” – Jon Stewart (showing a photo of Malala Yousufzai with a #BringBackOurGirls sign in solidarity with the drive to rescue 300 kidnapped Nigerian girls, and conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, who mocked the effort)