“The city of Chicago is building a new high school named after President Obama. I hear their student government isn’t that good, but the golf team is amazing.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama is in Japan. He’s over there visiting the Benihana Training Institute.” – David Letterman
“President Obama is out of the country. Vice President Joe Biden is out of the country. And you know what happens then. They turn over nuclear launch codes to Oprah.” – David Letterman
“Hillary Clinton made news this week, when she said that older women can still make a difference in politics. Even her supporters said, ‘Oh my God, just say you’re running already!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“More than 70,000 people will travel to Indianapolis this weekend for the annual meeting of the National Rifle Association. The weekend will feature a brunch, a gun raffle, and no sudden movements.” – Jimmy Fallon
