“While he was in Japan today, President Obama visited a science museum, where he played soccer with a robot. Joe Biden is negotiating with the prime minister in Ukraine, and Obama is playing soccer with a robot. It’s like the White House version of ‘Freaky Friday’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama is in Japan today. They showed him a robot developed by Honda that can kick a soccer ball. It’s cute watching the president interact with a prototype that will one day enslave us all, isn’t it? ” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama is visiting Japan, and for dinner last night he had $300 sushi. That’s a lot of dough, but you know, it comes with unlimited bread sticks. And Mercury poisoning is covered by Obamacare.” – David Letterman
“Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced plans to build the Barack Obama College Preparatory High School, which will open in 2017. The Obama school is expected to be very popular…at first.” – Seth Meyers
“Today the Pentagon announced they are going to spend millions shooting clouds with super-lasers to create more precipitation. It’s in The Washington Post newspaper. A newspaper is like a blog except everything is from yesterday.” – Craig Ferguson
“Controlling the weather would be great because L.A. is so dry right now. Our rainfall is lower than Obama’s approval ratings. It’s lower than the Lakers winning percentage. It’s lower than CNN’s ratings. Lower than Tom Cruise’s foot stool. Lower than the box office for that new Johnny Depp movie.” – Craig Ferguson
“Lasers that control the weather are hard to explain. Basically they hit the cloud and create nitric acid particles that bind water molecules to create condensation nuclei. I hope that clears it up for you.” – Craig Ferguson
