“Congrats to Chelsea Clinton. Last week, she announced that she is expecting her first child. If it’s a girl, it’ll get some of Chelsea’s old hand-me-downs; and if it’s a boy, it’ll get some of Hillary’s.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Hillary Clinton is going to be a grandmother. She’s very excited about it. She’s home right now knitting a tiny pantsuit.” – David Letterman
“Chelsea Clinton has announced that she is pregnant with her first child. The baby is expected to crawl after nine months and run in 2055.” – Seth Meyers
“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is running for re-election, and he’s got a catchy campaign slogan: ‘Forget my first term. I was on crack.'” – David Letterman
“This weekend over 37,000 people went to Denver to participate in the 4th annual Cannabis Cup. And they all made memories that would last a few minutes.” – Seth Meyers
“Vladimir Putin said he thinks that President Obama would save him if he were drowning. Then President Obama said, ‘There’s only one way to find out.'” – Jimmy Fallon
