“The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness starts tomorrow and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama’s past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big win.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The NCAA tournament tips off tomorrow. As is now the tradition, President Obama revealed his bracket picks today. He has Florida, Arizona, Louisville, and Michigan State in the final four with Michigan State beating Louisville to win it. I’d take his picks with a grain of salt. He also picked Louis Anderson to win on the reality show ‘Splash’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama released his March Madness bracket this morning, picking Michigan State to win the tournament. In response, Vladimir Putin started moving troops into Gonzaga.” – Seth Meyers
“The standoff in Ukraine keeps getting worse. But a new poll shows Vladimir Putin’s approval rating has actually gone up 10 percent since he sent troops into Crimea. When he heard that, Obama just shrugged and sent troops to invade Canada.” – Jimmy Fallon
“It seems like everybody’s weighing in on the situation. In fact, Senator John McCain has released a list of 11 steps he thinks the White House should take to punish Russia. Usually when McCain takes 11 steps, he uses a stair lift.” – Jimmy Fallon
“This morning police released detailed descriptions of the video that reportedly shows Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack. If they don’t elect him mayor again, I want him to move out here. He could do a reality show – ‘Here Comes Mayor Boo-Boo’.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there’s always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia – checking a bag.” – Jimmy Fallon
