“Yesterday, House Speaker John Boehner referred to Vladimir Putin as a ‘thug’, and then called on President Obama to stand up to him. Which is sort of like throwing your drink on a big guy at a bar and then saying, ‘My friend here will take care of you.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Russia, over the weekend, invaded Crimea, but evil Russian President Vladimir Putin said he has no plans to annex the territory. Well, that’s good enough for me.” – David Letterman
“The president of the United States is getting outplayed. Look what he wore when he Saturday during a tense 90-minute phone call with Putin – no tie, jeans with a jean shirt. What is this, casual doomsday? Meanwhile, on the other end, you know Putin is shirtless, stroking a tiger, looking into an infinity mirror.” – Stephen Colbert
“Welcome to the Ed Sullivan Theater, now under Russian control.” – David Letterman
“We had an interesting night last night. The mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, was here. Then after the show, apparently he was upset. Why, I’m not exactly sure. I asked him about drinking and smoking crack. What were we supposed to talk about? His other hobbies?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s hard to tell whether Rob Ford is mad because his face is always bright red. It doesn’t change colors.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The New York Times has issued a correction to a 161-year-old article which misspelled the name of the main character from ’12 Years a Slave’. The Times blamed the mistake on the newspaper’s editor at the time: Thaddeus P. Travolta.” – Seth Meyers
