“Some are saying that while at Nelson Mandela’s memorial, President Obama flirted with the female prime minister of Denmark right in front of Michelle Obama. Man, if President Obama felt that the flight to South Africa was long, can you imagine the way home?” – Conan O’Brien
“Obama is facing a lot of criticism after he posed for a selfie in the middle of Mandela’s memorial service. You know it’s bad when even Biden is like, ‘Man, that was dumb’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama shook hands with Cuban dictator Raul Castro. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Foreign communist shakes hands with the leader of Cuba’.” – Conan O’Brien
“The world said goodbye today to Nelson Mandela. And what a life he lived. He spent 27 years in prison and then ascended to become president of his country. He went from prison to politics. It was exactly the opposite of how we do it in this country.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama released a video this week to encourage kids to learn how to write computer code. Then he said, ‘Preferably, in the next two or three weeks. It would really help me out of a jam.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A federal judge has ruled that President Obama’s Kenyan uncle may remain in the United States. The judge also ruled that President Obama’s Kenyan uncle is an amazing name for a band.” – Conan O’Brien
“Kanye West said he wants to be the ‘Obama of clothing’. To achieve his goal, he’s designing fashions that nobody wants and offering them on a website that doesn’t work.” – Jay Leno
“New documents leaked by Edward Snowden show that the NSA actually spied on people while they played the video game World of Warcraft. I don’t know. To me it sounds like some NSA agents had to think quick when they got caught playing World of Warcraft at work.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Pope Francis was named Time magazine’s person of the year, and today he performed his first miracle – he got people to buy Time magazine.” –Conan O’Brien
