“Six kids showed up for Halloween with no costumes at all, just dressed like ordinary people. They said, ‘We’re the six people who signed up for Obamacare on the first day.'” – Jay Leno
“According to CBS News, only six people enrolled in Obamacare on the first day of the rollout. Six! That means more people have walked on the moon than have signed up for Obamacare.” – Jay Leno
“This is my favorite part. Hand to God, this is the absolute truth. The White House said that the number six is not official. Really, aren’t they better off saying nothing? Not official? What, if we wait it could go as high as seven?” – Jay Leno
“The Republicans are saying this is the worst presidential lie ever. Yes, Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and got thousands of people killed and said the war would pay for itself, but remember people, those were white lies.” – Bill Maher (on President Obama’s promise that all Americans who like their health insurance plans would be able to keep them)
“New Rule: Before the Wall Street Journal publishes another editorial by health care ‘expert’ Suzanne Somers claiming Obamacare is a socialist Ponzi scheme, they have to find one person who actually lost weight using a Thighmaster. She sells a metal spring for thirty bucks and Obamacare’s a scam?” – Bill Maher
“Last night the Obamas gave out dried fruit to more than 5,000 trick-or-treaters. In a related story, today workers outside the White House had to sweep up a bunch of dried fruit.” – Jimmy Fallon
“I love Halloween; I call it Atheist Christmas.” – Bill Maher
“Today 47 million of the poorest Americans had their food stamp benefits way reduced. This is the same day we launched our new stealth destroyer, the $3 billion USS Zumwalt. This is a ship that is nearly invisible, unlike the poor, who are completely invisible. I say if we’re going to make ships that are invisible, why build them at all? Why not just tell the Iranians they’re there?” – Bill Maher
