“Have you tried to log on to the Obamacare website? It’s slow. It is slower than my watch during an interview with Paris Hilton.” – Jay Leno
“Obama said they’ve had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I’ll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that’s a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God’s sake!” – David Letterman
“The White House said today that one of the reasons the Obamacare website has had so many problems is because it’s so popular that it was overwhelmed. Really? How come Psy’s ‘Gangnam Style’ video never had any problems? He got 2.5 billion hits!” – Jay Leno
“Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, ‘Could you start early?'” – David Letterman
“According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it’s simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.” – Jay Leno
“They ought to take all of the guys who are so good at hacking into phone calls and put them to work fixing HealthCare.gov. We need to reallocate our nerds.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The Obamacare website is not the only one crashing. The NSA website went offline Friday after suspected hackers broke into it. Hey, NSA: It’s not so much fun when people are sneaking into YOUR computer, is it?” – Jay Leno
“Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government DOESN’T listen to is President Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“There are new reports that the NSA has been monitoring communications of 35 leaders. Germany’s Angela Merkel is one of our closest allies and she is not happy about this. She called President Obama to give him an earful — and it takes a lot to get those ears full.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The U.S. has been spying on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for more than 10 years. Merkel actually called Obama to say that eavesdropping on allies ‘is not acceptable’. Then Obama said, ‘Yeah, well that’s not what you said to England.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“If the NSA agents are like most men they were probably only pretending to listen to what she was saying anyway.” – Jimmy Kimmel
