“Congress this week failed to agree on a budget deal, which led to a government shutdown, the first since 1995. So basically, the government shuts down every time Arsenio (Hall) gets a TV show.” – Seth Meyers
“Because of the government shutdown, the U.S. Air Force Academy in Colorado is facing a toilet paper shortage. Giving new meaning to the phrase ‘you’ve got a bogie on your tail’.” – Seth Meyers
“Loser: John Boehner. I feel sorry for you buddy. It’s exhausting watching you try maintain your dignity wrangling those Tea Party maniacs. You’re like ‘Seinfeld’ if there were 30 Kramers.” – Seth Meyers
“Winner: the Tea Party. It’s always nice to see a vocal minority get their way. You’re like the naked lunatic that gets his own subway car. So congrats on soiling yourself into power.” – Cecily Strong
“Loser: GOP. A new Fox News poll shows that disapproval of the Republican Party during the shutdown has jumped to 59 percent. And that’s a Fox News poll. Talk about getting booed on your home field. By the way, if Fox News says it’s 59 percent, that’s like the real news saying it’s 3,000 percent.” – Seth Meyers
“Loser, the Obamacare website, which had technical issues all week because of too much web traffic. You can’t campaign on the fact that millions don’t have health care and then be surprised that millions don’t have health care. How could you not be ready? That’s like 1-800-Flowers getting caught off guard by Valentine’s Day.” – Cecily Strong
“Winner: Canada. Senator Ted Cruz was born in Canada, so while we were worried about Iran, China, and North Korea, a Canadian shut down the U.S. Government. Well played, Canada.” – Seth Meyers
