“All eyes are on Obama because of Syria. He wants to use military strikes. Even his allies don’t agree with him. Britain wants to use economic embargoes. France wants to use sarcasm.” – Craig Ferguson
“If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don’t send cruise missiles. He should end over some of his economic advisers.” – Jay Leno
“Will Congress approve taking action in Syria? First they have to approve taking action in Congress.” – Stephen Colbert
“Republican leaders have agreed to support President Obama’s plan to attack Syria. See, that’s what I love about our country. The only time Republicans and Democrats can agree on something is when it’s time to bomb somebody.” – Jay Leno
“While I was overseas, I couldn’t really get much out of the news. From what I could make out, President Obama wanted to drop Miley Cyrus on Damascus.” – Stephen Colbert
“All the big-time world leaders are at the G-20 summit. Vladimir Putin is there representing Russia. Barack Obama is there representing Kenya.” – Craig Ferguson
“Did you see Vladimir Putin and President Obama shake hands today? They said something to each other. Of course, we don’t know what they said, nobody does — except the NSA, the KGB, and Edward Snowden.” – Jay Leno
“The G-20 summit is being held in St. Petersburg, which used to be the Russian capital. But Lenin and the Bolsheviks felt it was too vulnerable, so they moved the capital to Moscow. Lenin and the Bolsheviks is also my favorite Russian skiffle band.” – Craig Ferguson
“Former President Bill Clinton is traveling the country holding town hall meetings where he explains Obamacare. After that he will explain twerking.” – David Letterman
“Happy Rosh Hashanah. In honor of the Jewish new year, Mayor Bloomberg has banned the 16-ounce brisket.” – David Letterman
