“Some unelected, activist judge has rejected Stop and Frisk on the bizarre theory that minorities have the constitutional right not to be stopped at random and manhandled by strangers. Despite the fact that when the Constitution was written, minorities weren’t even invented yet.” – Stephen Colbert
“Sixty-two percent of New Yorkers say they are embarrassed by the sex scandals of Anthony Weiner. Weiner said, ‘Let me know when that number reaches 69’.” – Conan O’Brien
“San Diego Mayor Bob Filner has been accused of sexual harassment by 14 women, and now there’s so many a hotline has been established to take any new sexual harassment claims. The number is 1-800-How Is This Guy Still Mayor?” – Conan O’Brien
“San Diego Mayor Bob Filner left his sexual harassment rehab program a week early. He said, ‘I’m mostly cured, now I only grab one boob.'” – Conan O’Brien
“As part of her anti-obesity campaign, First Lady Michelle Obama is releasing a hip hop album. The name of the album is Phat Beats for Fat Kids.'” – Conan O’Brien
“North Korea has announced that it’s developing its own smartphone. Unfortunately, the phones are so smart, they’ve already escaped from North Korea.” – Conan O’Brien
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