“Britain’s parliament has passed a bill that would allow gay marriage. How about that? For the first time they are allowing gay marriage. If you thought royal weddings were big, just wait until the first gay royal wedding. Oh, my God. How fabulous will that be?” – Jay Leno
“Here’s some big news out of England. Today, Queen Elizabeth officially legalized gay marriage in Britain. Or as she put it, ‘You know, it doesn’t always have to be tea and crumpets. Sometimes it can just be two crumpets.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Gay marriage is legal in the U.K. Which is why today, Camilla asked Prince Charles, ‘So I can take off this dress now?” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today the Queen said that she would like the royal baby to be born before she goes on vacation. Then someone reminded her she’s more or less been on vacation since 1952.” – Conan O’Brien
“NSA leaker Edward Snowden is living at the Moscow airport. He’s been there for about a month. He’s scorned with no home to call his own. No safe harbor. It’s like being an old George Clooney girlfriend.” – David Letterman
“Edward Snowden’s been at the airport close to two months. And here’s how he stays in shape. He goes jogging every day on the baggage carousel.” – David Letterman
“NSA leaker Edward Snowden has filed for temporary asylum in Russia. Apparently, he didn’t want anyone to know, but somehow the story leaked out.” – Jay Leno
“Today, the headquarters of the EPA was renamed in honor of Bill Clinton because of his dedication to protecting the environment. Or as Al Gore put it, ‘Are you kidding me? The environment? That’s my thing.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Pope said something crazy. The Pope is offering time off from purgatory for anyone who follows him on Twitter. He also said it’s cool for Catholics to have premarital sex as long as they like his Facebook page.” – Conan O’Brien
