“The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it.” – David Letterman
“It’s basically the Hard Rock Café of catastrophic policy decisions.” – Jon Stewart
“I guess that’s better than its original title, Disasterpiece Theater.” – Jon Stewart (on the “Decision Points Theater” exhibit at the Bush Presidential Library)
“All five living presidents were in Dallas today for the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library. President Obama said he was happy to support the opening of the library. He should be. After all, Bush got him elected twice. Blame Bush on that one, sir!” – Jay Leno
“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was in Texas today for the dedication of George W. Bush’s presidential library. The library is already done, but they brought in Christie for a second ground breaking.” – Jimmy Fallon
“In President Bush’s high school yearbook, he was voted least likely to have a library named after him.” – Jay Leno
“There’s a new iPhone app that tells women where they can buy Michelle Obama’s clothes. Not only that — there’s another app that tells men where they can buy Hillary Clinton’s clothes.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The $100 bill is getting redesigned for the first time since 1996. It has new security features that will make it harder to counterfeit. And this is kind of amazing: Benjamin Franklin’s hair is real. You can comb it and everything.” – Jimmy Kimmel
