Political Irony

“After withdrawing from public life Anthony Weiner is ready to stick it back in. Folks, that takes balls. Sadly, we know he has them.” – Stephen Colbert

“Former Congressman Anthony Weiner said that he’s considering running for mayor of New York City. If nothing else I’m sure that he’ll provide some stiff competition.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I, for one, think Weiner would be a great New York City mayor. For one thing, we wouldn’t have to worry about a soda ban because we’ve all seen that he puts more than 16 ounces in his cup.” – Stephen Colbert

“Former Rep. Anthony Weiner? Remember him? He famously tweeted lewd photos of himself. He says he wants people to give him a second chance. Not in politics, but on Instagram.” – Conan O’Brien

“Come on, he’s the total package. I don’t want to be too hard on him. I don’t have a bone to pick with that guy.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Anthony Weiner, remember him? The Peter Tweeter? He’s now thinking of running for mayor of New York. And believe me, he has thought long and hard about this.” – Jay Leno

“I believe the time is right. Anthony Wiener is a changed man. His own brother gave The New York Times this moving testimonial: ‘There was definitely a douchiness about him I don’t see anymore’. I think his mayoral campaign just found his slogan: ‘Anthony Weiner, now less douchey’.” – Stephen Colbert

“That reduction, that lowering in the douchey level, has not come easy. As Weiner’s brother pointed out, ‘No one has been harder on him than he has been on him than he has been on himself.’ And we all know how hard he can be on himself.” – Stephen Colbert

“The Wall Street Journal said that Mr. Weiner didn’t respond to an email seeking comment. Hey, Anthony Weiner didn’t email or text you back? Consider yourself lucky!” – Jay Leno

“It’s starting to get serious – China has warned North Korea about starting a war. China told them flat out, ‘Do not fire any missiles at the United States at least until after we get our money. They owe us $16 trillion. Wait until then.'” – Jay Leno

“South Korean officials today say they’re highly confident that North Korea will launch a medium-range missile any time now. Which I guess means Dennis Rodman failed.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Some experts believe North Korea has a missile that could reach Los Angeles. And of course, if North Korea did attack Los Angeles, that would start a war with Mexico. The whole thing would escalate.” – Jay Leno

“Why do I feel like this whole thing could be solved by sending Kim Jong Un a Disneyland pass?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Finally, after months of wrangling, President Obama has unveiled his highly anticipated 2014 budget. And apparently neither Democrats nor Republicans are happy with it. Then Obama said, ‘Yeah, that’s how you know it’s good.'” – Jimmy Fallon