Political Irony

“North Korea is ruled by Kim Jong Un. Over the weekend, the premier of China told Kim Jong Un to chill out. Now, when the premier of China tells you to chill out, it’s like Mel Gibson saying, ‘Whoa, easy on the tequila’.” – Craig Ferguson

“Japan gave warnings too. They said if North Korea tests this new weapon, Japan will have no choice but to set up their own missile defense system. They’re adorable little missiles with ‘Hello Kitty’ on them.” – Craig Ferguson

“This is unprecedented. First China, now Japan. I haven’t seen people turn against a fat Korean guy this quickly since ‘Gangnam Style’.” – Craig Ferguson

“North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to ‘Gangnam Style’.” – Conan O’Brien

“I want you all to know that if the North Koreans launch a nuclear missile tomorrow, I’m really glad we had this time together.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In high school Kim Jong Un starred in a production of the musical ‘Grease.’ That’s also where Kim met his first wife, Olivia Newton Jong.” – Conan O’Brien

“Dealing with the North Koreans is very difficult. They have a history of making irrational decisions to divert the world’s attention from the fact their system has totally collapsed. No wait, sorry. I was thinking of NBC.” – Craig Ferguson

“The acting president of Venezuela has put a curse on voters who don’t vote for him in next week’s election. Today Mitt Romney said, ‘You can do that?'” – Jay Leno

“That shows you the difference between our two countries. See, over here in America we’re cursed no matter who we vote for.” – Jay Leno

“This week on the ‘Today’ show, Chelsea Clinton said she’s open to running for political office one day. When she heard that, Sasha Obama was like, ‘Cool. How does secretary of state sound?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Obama administration new budget plan calls for saving billions of dollars by selling off federal properties. So folks get ready for the Washington Monument, brought to you by Cialis.” – Conan O’Brien

“It was this day in 1867 that Russia sold Alaska to the United States for 2 cents an acre. You know why they sold us so cheaply? Just to get rid of the Palins.” – Jay Leno