“Public Policy Polling asked a group of 1,200 registered voters, and 13 percent said they believe Obama is the Antichrist and another 13 percent were not sure. I feel if he were the Antichrist, he would be getting more legislation passed.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Yesterday President Obama shot baskets at the White House and made only two shots out of 22. Even Dick Cheney was like, ‘That guy needs to learn how to shoot’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama went only two for 22. It’s tough times for Obama – one minute, he’s asking Congress to raise the debt ceiling; the next, he’s asking them to lower the hoop.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, it’s Congress.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama will attend the dedication of George W. Bush’s library this month. Apparently there’s still a lot of debris around the new building, or as Obama put it, ‘Don’t look at me, I’m still cleaning up your last mess’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Former President George Bush has invited President Obama to the opening of his presidential library later this month. President Obama said he’s looking forward to going through the library to see if there was anything else he could blame Bush for.” – Jay Leno
“The White House has now put together a website for kids. It’s a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called ‘Irony.gov’.” – David Letterman
“The Associated Press, the largest newsgathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term ‘illegal immigrant.’ That is out. They will now use the phrase ‘Undocumented Democrat’.” – Jay Leno
