Political Irony

“Today is the second day on which the Supreme Court heard arguments for and against same-sex marriage, commonly referred to as gay marriage, which is commonly referred to as the magic of Siegfried and Roy.” – David Letterman

“Bill Clinton now says he wishes he had supported gay marriage back when he was president. Clinton said at the time he was too busy campaigning for open marriage.” – Conan O’Brien

“I hope they legalize gay marriage because I need to be alive when ‘Gay Divorce Court’ hits the air. That’s how I’ll be spending my days.” – David Letterman

“The current marriage act defines marriage as a union between one man and one impossible woman.” – David Letterman

“Rush Limbaugh said that lesbians don’t have to worry about their appearance, so they are free to get fat. Moments later, Rush Limbaugh officially come out as a lesbian.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new poll shows that 64 percent of New Jersey residents don’t care about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s weight. That’s mostly because Chris Christie IS 64 percent of New Jersey.” – Conan O’Brien

“Last year at Easter, Governor Chris Christie was rushed to the hospital. It was an emergency. It turned out he had an impacted peep.” – David Letterman

“Last year there was some trouble at the White House’s Easter egg hunt. One kid looking for eggs turned up Obama’s birth certificate.” – David Letterman

“Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is under investigation for alleged misuse of campaign funds. She’s blaming the accusations on her arch nemesis: the facts.” – Jay Leno

“Yesterday former CIA director David Petraeus apologized for having an affair with his biographer. He said he hopes this begins a new chapter in his life. It got awkward when he said, ‘Any of you ladies want to write it?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new survey found that the average American stays at his job for about four-and-a-half years. That is unless they’re a late-night host on NBC.” – Jimmy Fallon