Political Irony

“We have a new Pope. The Vatican has chosen the first ever Argentinean Pope. So once again, a bunch of old white guys got a Hispanic to do a job they didn’t want to do.” – Conan O’Brien

“We have a new Pope! He is Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio. He is from Argentina. Tens of millions of Hispanics celebrated. And that was just here in L.A.” – Jay Leno

“The big news is the new Pope. His name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio. If you’re saying to yourself, ‘Boy, that name sounds familiar,’ you’re right. For seven years he was the ace reliever for the Yankees.” – David Letterman

“People all over the world celebrated differently. In Rome they prayed. In Dublin, they sang. In New York, they chugged super-sized Mountain Dews.” – Jay Leno

“The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. ‘Francis’ was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of ‘Pope Boo Boo’.” – Craig Ferguson

“The new Pope has chosen the name Pope Francis. A little advice for the Vatican: If you really want to make a strong stand against homosexuality, don’t go with a girl’s name.” – Conan O’Brien

“But their job is not done yet. The 115 cardinals are going to stay in Rome a few extra days and try to find a replacement for Joy Behar on ‘The View’.” – Jay Leno

“What do we know about Pope Francis? Well, he’s 76 years old. He’s a former archbishop, and he likes long walks on the beach, giant hats, and the music of Coldplay.” – Craig Ferguson

“Thousands and thousands of people at Vatican Square were looking at the chimney. And the white smoke means we have a white Pope.” – David Letterman

“The last Pope, Pope Benedict, will now be known as Pope Classic.” – Craig Ferguson

“We’re learning more about the dead Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez. It seems he amassed about $2 billion in personal fortune while president — and he was a socialist. Imagine how rich he could have been if he didn’t believe in redistribution of wealth.” – Jay Leno