“People are still trying to figure out why the power went out Sunday at the Super Bowl. Today they found out the reason. Turns out China cut off the electricity for nonpayment of our bill.” – Jay Leno
“The power went out for 35 minutes in the Superdome. It was the most highly viewed power outage since Obama’s first debate with Romney.” – David Letterman
“Pakistan is opening an amusement park and a zoo in the same town where the raid on Osama Bin Laden took place. The zoo is pretty cool, but I’ve heard you won’t be able to see the seals until it’s too late.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A Justice Department memo claims that President Obama has the right to order the assassination of an American anywhere in the world. Isn’t that crazy? In a related story, Donald Trump has gone into hiding.” – Conan O’Brien
“The White House is warning North Korea that it will face significant consequences if it moves forward with a new round of nuclear tests. Not only that — it’s also warning South Korea that it will face serious consequences if Psy makes another ad for pistachios.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Scientists have found the remains of England’s King Richard III under a parking lot. Unfortunately, they couldn’t find his ticket. So he’ll be charged the day rate.” – Conan O’Brien
