“According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn’t.” – Jay Leno
“’60 Minutes’ anchor Steve Kroft is defending Sunday’s interview with President Obama and Hillary Clinton, saying that he didn’t have enough time to ask hard-hitting questions. That would be easier to believe if the name of his show wasn’t the amount of time he had.” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to reports from a journal called Psychological Science, people eat more junk food and gain weight during tough economic times. How ironic is that? The biggest obstacle to Michele Obama’s war on obesity is President Obama’s economic policy.” – Jay Leno
“The president just announced that same-sex couples will be included in his immigration reform bill. When they heard, same-sex couples were like, ‘You know we’re already citizens, right?'” – Jimmy Fallon
