“Today was a big day in Hollywood. The Oscar nominations were announced. ‘Lincoln’ leads the list with 12 nominations. This is a first – not the most nominations, but the first time Hollywood has ever voted for a Republican president. That is amazing.” – Jay Leno
“The 2013 Oscar nominations were announced today. ‘Lincoln’ earned the most nominations of any movie. 12 nominations for ‘Lincoln.’ I have a feeling that if he were alive today, Lincoln would say, ‘What is a movie?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Abraham Lincoln, our 16th president, has never been hotter. ‘Lincoln’ received 12 Oscar nominations. ‘Lincoln’ also received a nomination for best hat.” – David Letterman
“President Obama’s inauguration is coming up. During next week’s inauguration, he will be sworn in with not one, but two Bibles. Relax, Mr. President. We get it. You’re not a Muslim. You’re overcompensating.” – Conan O’Brien
“The White House announced today that the theme for President Obama’s second inauguration will be ‘Faith in America’s Future.’ The idea is to get our minds off of America’s present.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama recently came under fire over the lack of diversity in his cabinet. Then Obama said, ‘You guys know I’ll be there, too, right?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Prostitutes in Brazil have started learning English so they can communicate with out-of-town clients during the World Cup. They are learning key phrases like, ‘You are very handsome’ and ‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Sheen’.” – Jimmy Fallon
