“Well folks, it is December 21, or as the Mayans call it, April Fools Day.” – Jay Leno
“It’s late Friday night, which means the world did not end after all! So the good news is, we’re still here. The bad news, I got A LOT of Christmas shopping to do.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Mayan calendar didn’t go past Dec. 21, 2012. There is one problem with the Mayan prophesy. It is crap. Every serious Mayan scholar says close reading of Mayan texts reveals they believed the world would go for thousands of years past the end of the calendar. But let’s listen to the wacko locked in the basement with 500 pounds of spam because he knows what is going to happen!” – Craig Ferguson
“Personally, I think people who are panicking about what the Mayans believed says more about our society than it does the Mayans. I don’t know really where I’m going with that, but it sounded good, didn’t it? It sounded like I was really smart. I’ve got something to say.” – Craig Ferguson
“You know what I really am feeling awkward about? If this is really the end of the world, I’m going to my doom wearing this tie. I’m going off to the hereafter with a tie with a little snowman on it.” – Craig Ferguson
“I’ve got to admit, I love the show ‘Doomsday Preppers.’ It’s about people making bunkers to survive catastrophes they know will happen. A nuclear war, viral epidemic, Fox canceling ‘Glee’. It’s all going to happen.” – Craig Ferguson
“Well, we got a lot to worry about. In nine days, fiscal cliff. I woke up this morning thinking, Wait a minute. Five days until the fiscal cliff? Where is Superman?” – Jay Leno
“But you shouldn’t be worried. You should have faith in our representatives in Congress and the Senate.” – Jay Leno
“Today, President Obama announced that he’s giving all federal employees Christmas Eve off. And when Joe Biden heard that he was like, ‘But not Santa, right?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Here’s what happened in Washington today. The Republicans and the Democrats got together. They rolled up their sleeves and then they took a break.” – Jay Leno
“Ireland is coming out with its own version of the show ‘Cheers’. Yeah, a sitcom about people who sit around drinking at a bar all day — or as they call that in Ireland, ‘Reality TV’.” – Jimmy Fallon
