“The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday morning, and ‘Lincoln’ got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something.” – Jay Leno
“‘The Hobbit’ opens today. It’s going to make a ton of money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election.” – Craig Ferguson
“The U.S. Census Bureau says that by the year 2043, white people will be in the minority in the United States. By that time, the country will be 15 percent black, 31 percent Hispanic, and 1 percent Republican.” – Jay Leno
“The Mayan calendar says that on the 21st, we’re done. We’ve only got about a week left, and I haven’t even started packing.” – David Letterman
“On the bright side, the end of the world kind of takes the edge off the fiscal cliff, doesn’t it?” – David Letterman
“The Mayans predicted that last joke wouldn’t work.” – David Letterman
“Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said a failure to reach a deal for the fiscal cliff will hurt the recovery. The good news is most Americans will not be affected by this because they had no idea there WAS a recovery.” – Jay Leno
“Christmas is just around the corner. It’s just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns.” – David Letterman
“On Wednesday night, Barbara Walters asked Governor Chris Christie if he was too fat to be president. A lot of people are criticizing Barbara for asking that question. But in fairness, Barbara asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft.” – Jay Leno
