“According to the Mayan calendar, December 21 marks the end of the world. Then why am I Christmas shopping?” – David Letterman
“December 21, the end of the world, is a Friday. So it means dress is casual.” – David Letterman
“Japan and South Korea are on high alert after North Korea successfully launched a long-range rocket. Both countries are surprised by North Korea’s successful launch, but definitely not as surprised as North Korea.” – Jimmy Fallon
“New Jersey Democrats say Republican Governor Chris Christie will be impossible to beat. It’s unclear if they’re talking about the 2013 governor’s race or Coney Island hot dog-eating contest.” – Conan O’Brien
“A company in California designed a flying drone that will drop burritos over your house using a parachute — or as Chris Christie calls that, ‘the best forecast ever!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to the latest census poll, a large number of Californians are moving out of state and going to places like Texas and Nevada. Look, I know a lot of us are disgusted with the Lakers, but that’s no reason …” – Jay Leno
“The Lakers are so bad, when Mitt Romney talks about the 47 percent, he means Dwight Howard’s free throw shooting.” – Jay Leno
