Political Irony

“They spotted Mitt Romney at Costco. One day you’re running for president of the United States. The next day you’re shopping at Costco for giant jugs of mayonnaise. While you’re at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney got a job at a Marriott hotel. President Obama’s trying to stop us from going over the fiscal cliff. Mitt Romney is trying to stop people from stealing towels.” – David Letterman

“Today in Washington, President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: ‘Running Deficit’.” – Jay Leno

“Native Americans are understandably very upset. This country used to belong to them. And, of course, now it belongs to the Chinese, so they are very furious about that.” – Jay Leno

“There was one really awkward moment with the American Indians. In the middle of the meeting, Joe Biden walked in wearing a Redskins jersey.” – Jay Leno

“Barbara Walters has released part of her ‘Most Fascinating People’ list. This year Hillary Clinton and Honey Boo Boo are both on it. That’s right. The woman who may soon be president – and Hillary Clinton.” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new book coming out reveals that Florida Sen. Marco Rubio was born a Catholic, became a Mormon, then returned to the Catholic church, then became a Baptist, then again returned to the Catholic church. And I think he’s at it again because he’s now asking people to call him Marco Rubinstein.” – Conan O’Brien

“The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place.” – Jay Leno

“McDonald’s just announced that it’s bringing back the McRib later this month. Or, as the Mayans put it, ‘Hey, we tried to warn you.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A record number of people are naming their babies after Apple products. It’s the perfect way to tell your newborn, ‘We’re planning to replace you in 6 months.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Santa Monica has banned nativity scenes on public land. Opponents want to use real people to make a display instead of statues to get around the rule. The problem is, it’s Los Angeles. So where are you going to find three Wise Men and a virgin?” – Jay Leno