“According to poll data, President Obama’s victory on Tuesday was due largely to his popularity with both college students and the unemployed. So basically Obama became President the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers.” – Seth Meyers
“After this week’s election 19 women will now hold seats in the Senate, which is the highest number ever. And no one is happier about it than the pantsuit industry.” – Seth Meyers
“CIA director General David Petraeus resigned Friday after it was revealed he was having an affair with the woman who wrote his biography, ‘All In’. Of course when they first started working on the book, it was called, ‘Just The Tip’.” – Seth Meyers
“Navy officials said Thursday that seven members of SEAL Team 6, the elite unit that killed Osama Bin Laden, were given career-ending reprimands after they disclosed operational secrets to the makers of the videogame “Medal of Honor”. Now everyone knows Bin Laden was killed by A, B, A, B, up, down, right trigger, left trigger.” – Seth Meyers
