“The hurricane has interrupted the presidential campaign. Both presidential candidates are taking measures to prepare for Hurricane Sandy. President Obama is staying in Washington to coordinate relief efforts. And Mitt Romney is moving his smaller homes into his larger home.” – Conan O’Brien
“Folks back east are feeling the devastating effects of Hurricane Sandy — 100-mile-an-hour winds, lot of folks without power. Because of the hurricane, both candidates have had to cancel speeches and campaign events. So at least some good has come out of it.” – Jay Leno
“Lindsay Lohan sent out a tweet urging people not to panic over Hurricane Sandy. She said the correct time to panic is if anyone sees her in a rental car. Then you should evacuate the area.” – Conan O’Brien
“We’re in the middle of Hurricane Sandy. So thank you very much for joining us here in the Ed Sullivan Shelter.” – David Letterman
“President Obama said that Americans should take warnings about Hurricane Sandy seriously. So step one: Give it a name other than Sandy. I mean, come on.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Power outages could wreak havoc on Election Day. But don’t worry, Republicans have back-up crooked voting machines.” – David Letterman
“They keep saying the candidates are out making stump speeches. You know why it’s called a stump speech? Because after a candidate is done with his speech, you’re completely stumped as to what he said.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama now has a 52-point lead with Hispanics. However, Mitt Romney has a 90-point lead with the people who hire Hispanics.” – Conan O’Brien
“A man in Indiana got a tattoo of Mitt Romney’s campaign logo on his face. They describe the man as a staunch Republican who has never heard of bumper stickers.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Giants swept the Tigers four straight to win the World Series. The last time a Tiger took a beating this bad, he had a nine-iron through the back window of his Escalade.” – Jay Leno
“I don’t want to say that was a tough World Series, but today Detroit asked for another bailout.” – Jay Leno
“This storm could mean the biggest power outage since the Yankees in the playoffs.” – David Letterman
“It was so windy yesterday that a Jets receiver was actually blown into the end zone.” – David Letterman
