“The vice-presidential debate is tomorrow night. Democrats took a pounding at the last debate, so now they’re going to be a little more aggressive. Joe Biden is thinking of opening with a head butt.” – David Letterman
“You know Obama’s campaign is in trouble when they’re looking to Joe Biden to turn things around.” – David Letterman
“Tomorrow night Joe Biden and Paul Ryan will be facing off in the vice-presidential debate. The White House was a little worried. In fact, Biden’s handlers are telling him, ‘Whatever you do, don’t be yourself. Be anybody else.'” – Jay Leno
“Here comes the vice-presidential debate. My favorite part of a debate is when a candidate will tell a heartfelt anecdote about a struggling American who lives in a swing state.” – David Letterman
“It going to be strange watching a debate without the president, although he wasn’t there for the last one either.” – David Letterman
“This week the Obamas’ dog, Bo, turned 4 years old. He spent the day the way he always does – digging holes, chasing squirrels, and coaching Obama for the debates.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The good news for the White House is that unemployment has dropped to 7.8 percent, right where it was when President Obama took office. So Obama has gone from ‘Change you can believe in’ to ‘Can you believe there’s no change.'” – Jay Leno
“The Obama campaign is planning to open up its 120th field office in Ohio. Even Starbucks is like, ‘That’s too many locations, man.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Today the Secret Service caught a woman trying to sneak into the White House with a mysterious package. Turns out it was just Ann Romney with some carpet samples.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney is refusing to participate in the long-running special on Nickelodeon called ‘Kids Pick the President.’ Romney said it’s nothing personal; he just says that these kids are part of that 47 percent who contribute nothing to the country and mooch off their parents and grandparents.” – Jay Leno
“People close to the campaign are saying that Mitt Romney’s son, Tagg, is now one of his chief advisers. That’s right, when Mitt asked him to join the team, he put his arm on his son’s shoulder and said ‘Tagg, you’re it!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Can you believe it’s only another month until we start arguing about whether the election was stolen or not?” – Jay Leno
“A new survey found that atheists are the fastest-growing religious group in the U.S. And if you find that hard to believe – well, you’re probably one of them.” – Jimmy Fallon
