“There are 40 days left until the election. A lot can happen in 40 days — Obama can make a gaffe, Mitt could win the debates, God can send a flood to destroy all mankind. So, there’s hope.” – Stephen Colbert
“The presidential debates begin on Wednesday. Romney has taken two days off to prepare. They’re going to have practice debates. They’re going to do that for two days, and another full day of spray tanning, and he’ll be ready to go.” – David Letterman
“With the first presidential debate less than a week away, both the Obama camp and Romney camp are being careful not to overhype their candidates. They’re asking voters to lower their expectations and not get too excited. Or as voters put it, ‘Way ahead of you. Don’t worry about that’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“These debates are tightly controlled. Each side, Obama and Romney, had to agree to 32 pages of rules. It’s like being a Kardashian husband.” – David Letterman
“There’s a man who actually went to high school with Mitt Romney and later went to law school with President Obama. When asked how going to school with two presidential candidates made him feel, he said, ‘Uh, bad about my job at Arby’s’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new survey shows how much time we waste every day. For example, we waste seven minutes in line waiting for coffee, 28 minutes getting through airport security, and four years waiting for President Obama to do something about the economy.” – Jay Leno
“Paul Ryan now says that President Obama’s foreign policy has ‘blown up in his face’ and it’s time to go back to the Republican foreign policy. Well, let’s see, Obama kept Guantanamo Bay open, the troops are still overseas, and the Middle East hates us. Isn’t that the Republican foreign policy?” – Jay Leno
“Here’s another blow to the Romney campaign. Earlier today, that empty chair endorsed Obama” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He’s trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian.” – David Letterman
