“Mitt Romney’s campaign said Obama is spiking the ball too early in Ohio after recent polls show Obama pulling ahead. Obama hasn’t earned that win yet, which is why today the NFL replacement refs just gave it to him anyway.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Can prayer save this election? Picking Paul Ryan was certainly a hail Mary.” – Stephen Colbert
“It’s rumored that in a recent Univision interview, Mitt Romney wore makeup to appeal to Latino voters. I can’t wait to see Romney’s appearance on BET.” – Conan O’Brien
“The latest Quinnipiac, New York Times, CBS, TCBY poll has Obama up by 10 points in Ohio, 9 points in Florida, and 12 points in Pennsylvania. I don’t get it. How could Romney be behind? He’s so popular, fans are releasing bootlegs of his speeches.” – Stephen Colbert
“God is three undecided voters: the father, the son and the holy spirit. You gotta figure the son is leaning Obama, what with the long hair, and the loaf and fish handouts to the poor. Get a job, hippie!” – Stephen Colbert
“President Obama is so confident that he’s thinking about letting Joe Biden start speaking again.” – Jay Leno
“At a recent concert, Madonna told the audience she would strip naked if President Obama is re-elected. In a related story, President Obama is now trailing in the polls by 97 percent.” – Conan O’Brien
“Let me tell you how crazy Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is. Today he actually defended the NFL’s replacement refs.” – Jay Leno
“Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is always angry. Yesterday he said, however, that in fact he does not hate gay people. He went on to say that Iran is on its way to developing one of its own.” – David Letterman
