“A new poll shows that after the Democratic National Convention, President Obama got a four-point bounce in the polls, which means that’s he’s now only five points behind Bill Clinton.” – Seth Meyers
“Obama joked this week that Bill Clinton, who has been campaigning for him, should be appointed to the role of ‘Secretary of Explaining Stuff’. Hey, you know what’s another good name for that position? President.” – Seth Meyers
“A lot of Republicans are blaming Obama for all of this because he’s weak. Right, you know what, if we were attacked in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen, George Bush would know what to do. Invade Iraq.” – Bill Maher
“It’s nice to know that no matter how bad things get in the Middle East, Mitt Romney is always there to make them worse. You saw him this week when our embassies were under attack, before any facts were in he tried to score political points because he sees everything as a business opportunity. This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence.” – Bill Maher
“In a recent promotion, Mitt Romney is offering donors a chance to win a ride on his campaign plane. But if you know how Mitt Romney travels, this is one contest you don’t want to win.” [on screen: a picture of someone strapped to the roof of his plane] – Seth Meyers
“Mitt Romney went on live with Kelly and Michael and tried to answer these hardball questions. He was asked what he wears to bed. He said, ‘as little as possible.” Wow, there’s a switch, Romney giving too much information.” – Bill Maher
“He told us all about their sex life. Sometimes he and Ann turn off the lights and play ‘find my tax returns’.” – Bill Maher
