“Yesterday, Paul Ryan said that he and Mitt Romney won’t reveal their tax plan to the public until after the election. Other politicians couldn’t believe it. They were like, ‘At least do the honorable thing and lie.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Lindsay Lohan tweeted President Obama on the topic of tax cuts. Someone needs to tell her she’s Lindsay Lohan and should be focusing on what the president plans to do to cut car insurance deductibles.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Mitt Romney released another ad that features Hispanic voters speaking in Spanish. The ad ends with him saying, ‘I’m Mitt Romney, and I have no idea what these people are saying.'” – Conan O’Brien
“A new poll shows that President Obama has extended his lead over Mitt Romney since the Democratic National Convention. Of course, it didn’t help Obama as much as that other event – the Republican National Convention.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday in Florida, President Obama visited a pizzeria. The owner gave the president a bear hug and lifted him off his feet. Everybody shared a good laugh and then the Secret Service shot the man in the face.” – Conan O’Brien
“Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is scheduled to address the United Nations on the Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur. That’s like the Kardashians giving a speech on Labor Day.” – Jimmy Fallon
