Political Irony

“Did you all watch the Republican convention last night? It’s good to see scripted television finally making a comeback.” – Jay Leno

“The Republican National Convention is in full swing in Tampa. Speeches are being made. Hats flown in the air. Everyone gets their own hippie to slap around.” – Craig Ferguson

“Chris Christie gave the keynote address. In his speech he said the word ‘I’ 37 times, ‘Romney’ 7 times, and ‘jobs’ only once. And then there was the 622 times he said the word ‘ham’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Chris Christie was on stage for 16 minutes before he says Romney’s name. He’s on the stage for 30 seconds and he mentions Breyer’s ice cream.” – David Letterman

“Chris Christie’s message was Romney will be the guy to tells America the hard truth. Romney is that guy. And I thought, well, wait a minute, Chris, I’ve got a hard truth for you. How about hopping on the treadmill?” – David Letterman

“Ann Romney spoke last night. I thought she was quite eloquent. Analysts say her role was to show that Mitt has a tender side. And then the Romney family dog gave the rebuttal.” – Jay Leno

“I thought Mitt Romney’s wife Ann did a good job at the Republican convention. During her speech, she said after they got married, she and Mitt lived in a basement. It was a 2-room basement on the French Riviera.” – Conan O’Brien

“Working out has given Paul Ryan phenomenal abs. His abs are so in demand that TMZ is offering a bounty for anyone who can get an in-focus shot.” – Craig Ferguson

“I can’t wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate.” – Craig Ferguson

“You can think outside the box and pick someone who’ll excite people like Sarah Palin or you can play it safe with an honest down-home family man like John Edwards.” – Craig Ferguson

“John McCain was at the convention. He just wandered out on stage in his bathrobe.” – David Letterman

“Hurricane Isaac turned out to be not much of a threat to the Republican convention. But to their credit, the Republicans had a contingency plan. If the hurricane did hit hard, delegates were instructed to evacuate to Mitt Romney’s tax shelter.” – Jay Leno

“Here’s what’s great about America. You can now buy waffle-flavored vodka. See, good things are happening under Obama.” – David Letterman

“The White House is now brewing its own beer. Republicans say the White House beer is actually pretty good. Just don’t drink the Kool-Aid.” – Jay Leno

“Yesterday a medical marijuana group officially endorsed President Obama for president. Doesn’t really help Obama though, because they were just getting around to endorsing him for 2008.” – Conan O’Brien

“According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama’s Twitter followers are fake. They don’t even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn’t be any jobs for them.” – Jay Leno