“The Republican convention was worried that it was going to be postponed or maybe completely canceled because of Hurricane Isaac. This is serious stuff. CNN is on full Blitzer.” – David Letterman
“It looks like Hurricane Isaac has delayed the Republican convention for one day. See, I think the Republicans should use these 60-mile an-hour winds to their advantage. Mitt Romney should walk about there and go, here are my tax returns for the last 10 years… Oh my gosh, what happened?'” – Jay Leno
“The winds in Tampa are so strong today, they blew the dog off the top of Romney’s car.” – David Letterman
“This is a big storm. In fact, Isaac has scared more senior citizens than Paul Ryan.” – Jay Leno
“It seems the GOP has placed 13,000 umbrellas in bins outside the hall for people to use. Delegates can’t bring them inside for security reasons, so after you use the umbrella, you drop it off for the next person to use. That sounds like creeping socialism.” – Jay Leno
“Some of the Republicans, I think, are over-reacting to Hurricane Isaac — like today Rick Santorum was seen gathering up two of every animal.” – Jay Leno
“Herman Cain was in Tampa. When a reporter asked him if Isaac reminded him of Katrina, he said, ‘I never even met the woman.'” – Jay Leno
“This year the theme of the Republican convention is ’50 Shades of White’.” – David Letterman
“This is my favorite statistic so far. According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among African American voters. And I don’t think the GOP slogan at convention is helping any: ‘See what white can do for you’.” – Jay Leno
“Last week President Obama met with the White House press corps for only the second time this year. He said he would have met with them more, but he’s been so busy campaigning, he didn’t have time to write their questions.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama brews his own beer in the White House. In honor of Joe Biden, they put it in a special big mouth bottle.” – Jay Leno
“NASA has actually landed a car on Mars. It’s called the Curiosity. That vehicle, now on Mars, cost two and a half million dollars. But when you drive that thing off the lot, instantly it’s worth less than half that.” – David Letterman
“Tomorrow the Mars rover is going to premier the new Black Eyed Peas song by beaming it back to Earth. In other words, the rover has turned against us. The machines have risen.” – Conan O’Brien
“They test drove the Curiosity over the weekend and it was digging a hole. It got bigger and bigger, digging a huge deep hole. It’s like Todd Akin.” – David Letterman
