“A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney’s money back in the United States.” – Jay Leno
“They’re all going down to Tampa where an Evangelical party is going to nominate a Mormon and a Catholic and then get wiped out by a hurricane… leaving Florida to the Jews as God intended.” – Bill Maher
“Everyone is making contingency plans. Paul Ryan went to Florida early, Mitt battened down his hair, and Newt Gingrich says he likes hurricanes and said he looks forward to getting blown behind a dumpster.” – Bill Maher
“Actually Mitt Romney is worried sick about this hurricane. It could ruin everything. Not because of the convention. Because it’s headed straight for the island where he keeps his money.” – Bill Maher
“There was an awkward moment for Mitt Romney today. He was practicing his speech and he took a pregnant pause and they made him carry it to term.” – Bill Maher
“Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan had a campaign event at an apple orchard… There was one awkward moment when they told the granny smiths they were considering cutting their Medicare.” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among African Americans. Here’s the sad part: That’s up 5 percent from last week.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney went birther today. He was in Michigan, where he was born, and he said, ‘No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate.’ Right, because you weren’t born. You have a warranty card.” – Bill Maher
“Todd Akin is running for Senate in Missouri and he said if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways of shutting the whole thing down. And then he made it worse by saying the medical term for this is Pussy Riot.” – Bill Maher
“But wait. The female body has ways of shutting this down? Not only is it absurd but it is the worst super power ever.” – Bill Maher
“Todd Akin is getting death threats. They have narrowed it down the list to all women, everywhere.” – Bill Maher
“I’m not surprised there are people in America who believe things like this. But usually they don’t own shoes and they live in an abandoned school bus and they smell like urine. But this guy Akin, he went to college. He can tie a necktie, he doesn’t smell like urine. That’s the problem with America, we have a bunch of crazy people who clean up good.” – Bill Maher
“As much as the Republican establishment wants to denounce Akin and to make him quit, there’s very little difference between what he says and what is in his platform. Their platform says no abortion, no exceptions – not for rape, not for incest, not even for Snooki.” – Bill Maher
