Political Irony

“Beginning Monday is the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. Do you know what the theme is this year? Room Service and Hookers.” – David Letterman

“Tropical Storm Isaac is expected to develop into a hurricane in the next few days. Unfortunately, the Republican National Convention starts in Florida on Monday. The National Weather Service says the storm could reach category 5, which is strong enough to move Mitt Romney’s part to the other side of his head.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Rest assured, no matter how high those winds get, not a single hair on Romney’s or Paul Ryan’s head will move. They have guaranteed that.” – Jay Leno

“Tampa could be hit by Hurricane Isaac, and they might have to cancel or postpone the Republican National Convention. A hurricane headed directly for the Republicans – and more proof that God is a woman.” – David Letterman

“They’re now worried that Tropical Storm Isaac could hit Florida during next week’s Republican convention. But Florida is ready for it. Thanks to President Obama’s economic policies, many businesses down there are already boarded up.” – Jay Leno

“Actually, Mitt Romney and Hurricane Isaac have something in common. They can both change directions at any moment.” – Jay Leno

“CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, ‘This is outta my league, bro.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“You know who else is going to be at Tampa for the Republican Convention? Gov. Chris Christie from New Jersey. On his way down there the last they heard from him he was on I-95 at the truck scales.” – David Letterman

“Today Todd Akin was named Democratic Party Employee of the Month.” – David Letterman

“It’s now being reported that Joe Biden will go to the Republican convention to try to cause problems for Mitt Romney. Then after that, he will go to the Democratic convention where he will definitely cause problems for President Obama.” – Jay Leno

“The Obama campaign announced that theirs will be the first political campaign to accept donations via text message. The president is hoping it’s a way to engage grass-roots supporters to give money. A friend of mine tried to donate money and ended up voting for Sanjaya.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama’s supporters can now text the word ‘GIVE’ to donate up to $50 dollars to his campaign, although it’s frustrating when autocorrect keeps changing it to ‘Fix the economy.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“New research found that people who wake up early are more productive than people who sleep in. Or as Congress put it, ‘Whoa — is it noon already?'” – Jimmy Fallon