“The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.” – Jay Leno
“Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, ‘a Monday’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.” – Jay Leno
“The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt.” – Conan O’Brien
“The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney is getting a lot of attention for a series of gaffes he’s made while he’s in London. And in response, Romney said that he has nothing but respect for the people of England, especially their monarch, Queen Latifah.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Next week, President Obama will celebrate his 51st birthday. Obama already got one really nice gift: Mitt Romney’s trip to London.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Vice President Joe Biden said today that he had to ask his wife Jill to marry him five times before she said yes. Five times! Joe, that’s not a proposal, that’s harassment.” – Jay Leno
