“Mitt Romney is now in London to see his horse compete in the dressage event. Dressage is kind of like horse ballet. Finally something that connects Romney with the average American voter.” – Jay Leno
“Romney is going to be in London for the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, and he plans to take his tax returns and drop them into the torch.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney said while he is in Europe, he won’t be apologizing to anybody. He has nothing to apologize for. A lot of those people overseas now have good jobs because of him. They are very very grateful.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney is in London. They said get your campaign plane, get your family, you don’t know anything about foreign policy, strap your dog to the roof of the plane. He arrived in England, got off the plane, and proudly proclaimed ‘Ich bin ein Londoner’. … When Romney arrived at the hotel he was greeted by his money.” – David Letterman
“There’s talk that Mitt Romney’s campaign is paying for Twitter followers. Yes, he’s paying for people to like him. Or, as it’s called ‘politics’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Campaigns have finally arrived in the 21st century. They can produce bullshit at the same rate as actual bulls.” – Lewis Black (The Daily Show)
“To prepare for the Republican Convention, a strip club in Tampa, Florida has hired a Sarah Palin look-a-like to perform. This stripper is so much like Sarah Palin, she actually has written on her hand, ‘take off top, shake breasts, swing around pole’.” – Jay Leno
“The Obama campaign spent more money in June than it took in. Every businessman will tell you, you can’t run a campaign like that. Apparently, you can run a government like that, but not a campaign.” – Jay Leno
“A cyber attack on Iranian nuclear facilities is causing all their computers to play ACDC. Today, the attackers said ‘If our demands aren’t met, tomorrow we start blasting Nickelback.'” – Conan O’Brien
“The Jim Henson company, which created the Muppets, have cut their ties with Chick-Fil-A because of the company’s anti-gay marriage stance. Insiders say the move came after intense pressure from Bert and Ernie.” – Jay Leno
