“Have you heard this? They’re saying Condoleezza Rice is on the top of the vice presidential list for Mitt Romney. Many Republicans think they compliment each other: Romney has experience with American jobs, Condi has experience with foreign countries, and since all American jobs are in foreign countries, they would be the perfect team.” – Jay Leno
“Happy Friday the 13th – and to prove he’s not superstitious, Mitt Romney drove around with a black cat on the roof of his car.” – Jay Leno
“The Sarasota Republican party has named Donald Trump its statesman of the year. If there’s one word I’d think of to describe Trump, it’s ‘statesman-like.’ And if there were four words, they would be ‘not at all statesman-like.'” – Jimmy Kimmel
“In an interview with CBS, President Obama said the biggest mistake of his first term was not telling a story to give Americans a sense of unity. In response, Americans were like, ‘Yeah, fixing the economy would’ve been cool too.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“I guess you heard about this; the U.S. Olympic Committee is coming under fire after it was revealed that the uniforms for Team USA to be worn in the opening ceremony were made in China. Turns out they were made by some of the same kids who could beat us in gymnastics. That’s the worst part.” – Jay Leno
