“Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into a drawing to win a dinner with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. If you donate more than $10, you get to sit at a different table.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney wants to prove he’s regular guy, so he was someplace and he ordered a bucket of pheasant McNuggets.” – David Letterman
“President Obama has a new ad that hits Mitt Romney’s business career by calling him an ‘outsourcer-in-chief.’ Romney responded with an ad of his own — made by an excellent company in India.” – Jimmy Fallon
“While talking about the economy, Joe Biden said it’s a depression for millions of Americans. He used the word ‘depression’ to describe the economy. I don’t know if Mitt Romney has picked a running mate yet, but Joe Biden sounds like he’d be perfect.” – Jay Leno
“A rare copy of Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation sold for $2.1 million at an auction house in New York City. As you know, the Emancipation Proclamation is the document that freed the vampires.” – Jay Leno
“Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.” – Jay Leno
