“Facebook shares fell again today. At one point this afternoon, Mark Zuckerberg went from being a billionaire to being ‘still a billionaire.’ – Conan O’Brien
“Facebook has lost so much money that founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named an honorary board member of JPMorgan.” – Jay Leno
“Mark Zuckerberg got married a couple of days ago. At their wedding, Zuckerberg’s wife wore a dress that cost nearly $5,000. That is until the dress went public. Now it’s worth $2,000.” – Conan O’Brien
“Republicans are trying to raise money, so Mitt Romney’s checking under his couch cushions.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney reminds me of the guy in the commercial that buys his wife a Lexus for Christmas with the big bow on it.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Remember Al Gore, the tubby vice president? He has a new girlfriend – that is unless the Supreme Court takes her away from him.” – David Letterman
“While attending meetings in Chicago this week, President Obama stayed in a hotel instead of his own house. It was annoying, though: When he asked for a wake-up call, they just showed him his latest poll numbers.” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to a study released today, the average member of Congress can only speak at a tenth grade level. Which is worse than it sounds, because the average tenth grader speaks at a third grade level.” – Jay Leno
“Congratulations to former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The city of San Francisco has named a street after her today. It’s called Botox Avenue.” – Jay Leno
